When you speak up, is it to add value to the conversation, or is it more about demonstrating to the group that you have an understanding of the subject matter?

Are you moving the needle, or are you telling everyone, “Look! I know where the needle is too!”

It’s the difference between initiating a sound that resonates, and merely adding noise.

Water — applied to the bark of a branch — will do little to grow a tree.

Even if the water is really good, and the application is done lovingly. Consistently.

On the branch, it doesn’t do much.

It’s the same with our personal growth and our business growth.

That is, in order to grow, we need to nourish the right areas. We need to apply effort in the right places.

When we feed those areas… when we level-up in those places… that’s when real growth happens.

Does your neighbor remind you that the special refuse pick-up is next week?

Does a colleague dial your extension to let you know there are some home-made treats in the office break room?

Does an acquaintance let you know that the hallway you’re walking toward is blocked?

I’m not asking, “Do you have friends?”

Rather, “Are you making meaningful connections with people — enough that they care to think of you?”

Here’s the secret: it usually starts with you. You being thoughtful. You being courteous. You being generous.

That sort of thing tends to work its way back to you.

And not that it’s the reason for being nice… but sometimes you end up getting the scoop on baked goods before they’re all gone.

When there’s an emergency, we act.

Sometimes we don’t know what to do and so we act on impulse and instinct. We make quick, educated guesses.

Other times, we've prepared for the emergency. There’s a plan in place, and we follow the plan.

* * *

When there’s not an emergency, however, it can be harder to act.

Nothing is pressing. No immediate harm will be done if we sit idle.

So the challenge is to be productive amidst the lull. To be self-motivated. To make a plan and to execute. To do our best work with a sense of purpose and urgency.

* * *

Of course, some people like to manufacture emergencies. They create chaos so they can do a lot of yelling and hand-waving. Then they spend all their time problem-solving and playing the part of the hero... solving the problems that they never really had to create in the first place.

Dear reader,

Don't forget that the “dear” in a salutation is an adjective.

It’s part of conventional etiquette, so we often include it without even thinking.

But there are plenty of other adjectives we could use to address the people with whom we correspond — particularly if we are close to them.

It’s worth considering from time to time, generous reader.

When we put work into the world — when we post on social media, when we blog, when we put work in a gallery, when we sing — there’s not always a response.

It can be unsettling.

Did anyone hear me? Did my voice find an ear? Does my message resonate?

Sometimes, there’s nothing.

Without focus groups, without likes, without comments, without reviews… how do we know?

There are times when we simply don’t know. But that doesn’t stop us.

We put work into the world because we are trying to make change happen, and that unfolds slowly. Sometimes quietly.

So we can’t be impatient when we publish. When we create. When we ship. When we speak.

Before social media and hyper-connectivity and tracking cookies, the writers and artists and thinkers who changed the world did so without real-time analytics, and without a single retweet.

You can trick some people into doing what you want them to do. Colleagues, employees, volunteers, children, clients… they can all be fooled into compliance.

But sometimes, people know they’re being tricked.

* * *

So you’ve gotten your way, but it cost you trust.

And now you don’t have enrollment; you just have your way.

You have to decide whether the loss of trust is worth it.

If you were running for re-election in your personal relationships, what would that look like? What would you list among your accomplishments for the past term? What promises would you make for the future?

Luckily, that’s not how relationships actually work.

However, you could still take pause and make quiet personal goals to improve… and to keep your imaginary campaign promises.

It’s one thing to ask, “Do you hear what I'm saying?”

But it’s perhaps more important to ask, “Do I hear what I'm saying?”

Can I have enough self-awareness and empathy to hear myself through the ears of another?

When you’ve gathered your belongings and set off for the door, keys in hand, and you ask, “Hey. Need anything before I go?” what you are really saying is, “I have something else to do. Are you in such need of help that I should divert my plans?”

It changes quite a bit when we approach someone, empty-handed, sans travelling coat, and we say, “I’d like to help you in some way. What can I do?”

In the first example, we ask someone to press upon us twice: once to change our schedule, and then to do the thing that helps.

The other way — the more generous way — is to show up, unsolicited… not poised to leave, but poised to help.

Sometimes, there are thick walls between us. As our relationships develop, we can perforate those walls to some extent, but they never disappear completely.

So when we have an interaction with someone new, all we have is a tiny little window into that person's world. A peephole in the wall.

And that person has a tiny little window into our world.

When those windows align, the temptation is to make generalizations based on what we can see.

It’s easy to forget that we're only looking through a little window. A tiny little window.

We peer so intensely that we forget that the aperture is on the face of a huge building, most of which we cannot see.

Our imaginations and prior life experiences tend to fill in most of the blanks.

If we’re not careful, we'll start to convince ourselves that we know the floor plan of the entire house because of what we can see through that tiny little window. We’ll assume that, for the most part, the house is much like our own.

And we’d likely be wrong.

When you feel your eyelashes brushing against the pane of that tiny window, remind yourself that there’s a vast interior completely hidden from view.

There’s a deep satisfaction that can be gained by doing something good without receiving credit.

Consciously being generous, in secret.

Doing something right, or kind, with no one knowing.

When the reward of acknowledgement is stripped away, when personal thanks is eliminated from the equation — when you do good just to do good — what’s left is the feeling of having given in the purest form.

“But I’m tired” — the same protest a parent might hear from a young child being roused for the day — is a phrase that does not typically change what is presently required of the speaker.

Our tasks and deadlines, generally, are indifferent to our level of energy. Our responsibilities do not ask, “Have you slept well?”

“But I’m tired” is a thought that can start us down the road of doing work begrudgingly.

Of course, it might be true. We might indeed be tired.

Alas, our work — the important work that the world needs of us — that work awaits. It does not lessen because of our fatigue. It does not base its urgency on our desire for rest.

So, there are occasions when we are tired, and we will need to do our work... tired.

* * *

Post Script: When our work involves the safety of others — when the task is to transport passengers or to move equipment on busy highways — our responsibilities indeed ask if we are alert and well-rested. In those situations, go back to bed. Rest. The world needs productivity and generosity — not recklessness.

If you’re obsessively checking your various inboxes, you’re avoiding work. You’re stalling.

You’re waiting for an opportunity to have to react to something that’s coming your way.

Looking for an urgent issue.

Awaiting an emergency.

Here’s the thing: the things that can’t wait — they will find you. You don’t have to seek them. If it’s urgent enough, you will be tracked down.

For now, while there’s nothing incoming, it’s a gift.

You’re not a defense waiting for an offense. For now, it’s just you, and the path forward.

Go.

When breakthrough technology is announced, there are inevitably people whose initial response is, "What's the point?"

Innovators — true innovators — operate on the front lines. The leading edge. They have a vision that is beyond what the masses can see. They have a vision that is beyond what intelligent pragmatists can see.

It makes sense that some people will not see the point in the experimental, or the avant-garde. It's because they're seeking a conclusion when presented with a segue. They're looking for a map when someone opens a new door. They want to read a synopsis for a story still germinating in the artist's mind.

The injustice, of course, is that those who contemptuously questioned the purpose of the bridge will ultimately find themselves happily on the other side of the canyon... ready to ask the next generation of bridge-builders, "What's the point?"

We all walk (or roll) at a certain pace, with a certain cadence. A natural speed.

But could you, with a small bit of effort, move just a little faster?

In a measured, but intentional way, could you slightly increase your pace without getting winded?

Probably.

* * *

How about the pace of your work? The urgency with which you are advancing your project? Could you, with a small bit of effort, work just a little faster without sacrificing quality?

With concerted, but not exhaustive effort, could you turn the ratchet on your productivity?

It's worth a try. If you need to dial it back to a slower pace, you can always do that. But for now, let's give it a little more gas. Let's surprise our goals by getting there ahead of schedule.

Some sporting events require officials who need to make judgement calls.

Was the ball in or out? Was the player tagged? Did she catch that? Was that a push?

Inevitably, there will be blown calls. Sometimes it will matter just a little. Sometimes it will change the outcome of the event.

There are times when rulings can be challenged. But not always. Sometimes you just have to live with a bad call.

* * *

Children who play sports have the grand opportunity to learn about this first-hand. Sometimes the bad call is in their favor. Sometimes it’s not. Either way, it does no good to yell at the official.

There might be formal channels to pursue when a player or team thinks they’ve been treated unfairly. But sometimes — often — there's no recourse.

For the kids who learn this early on, it's a valuable lesson. In the real world, sometimes you get the raw end of a bad call, and there are times when you can't do anything about it.

You can dwell on it and hang your head, or you can get back in the game and continue to play your best. You’re not always going to catch a bad call, but when you do — and it’s not the kind of thing that’s going to change your life — it might be okay to just move on.

Companies go through various internal and external audits. The books are opened and the records are checked.

Is the company doing what it says it's doing? Are there anomalies or inconsistencies? Do corrective actions need to take place?

* * *

Now, imagine that you're the one being audited. Not financially — bigger than that. Your life. Your relationships. Your integrity.

Are there some things you'd like to hide from the auditor? Records you'd like to destroy? People you don't want to be interviewed?

Does your diet pass the test? Your internet browsing history? Your use of time? Your follow-through with commitments?

Well, there's not going to be an audit. That's the gift. You can take an inward look right now, and make the corrections all on your own. Your unhealthy choices and embarrassing habits never have to see the light of day. You have the ability to make changes today.

Now is the moment to do it.

If a book was written about your life, what form would it take? Which would feel most appropriate? Memoir? Biography? Autobiography? Poetry? How-to?

And consider the list shown adjacent to your book. The sections of "you also might like..." or "customers who viewed this item also viewed..."

What would be shown there?

Meaning, what stories and ideas are intertwined with the story of your life — you know, the complex, beautiful story that you get to self-publish day by day?

I recently ate some fast food via drive-through. When I got to the window, the attendant was very apologetic, as the line had moved rather slowly.

In hearing the apology, two things came to mind.

One. When an employee acknowledges delays and inefficiencies, it unburdens the customer's need to point it out. By saying, "I know service is slow today. Sorry to keep you waiting," the employee gives the customer a chance to hear, "I know. I'm with you. I, too, wish this was working smoothly. But it's not." There's a subtle suggestion of we're in this together.

Two. When did we get to the point that it's acceptable to be impatient in a fast food drive-through? Clearly, the employee had anticipated frustrated customers. I was not one of them.

• I did not have to leave the comfort of my vehicle.

• I did not have to pause my podcast.

• I did not have to stock groceries.

• I did not have to prepare food.

• I did not have to clean any dishes.

Considering the amount of money I paid and the length of time I had to wait, my paper-bag meal was nothing less than magic.

And by not complaining, I was even thanked for my patience.

As far as I'm concerned, I came out ahead in the deal.