Commitment is best demonstrated through action, not words.

Pay close attention. When “mute” is on — is the commitment still evident?

There’s the “superiority illusion” in psychology and the “Dunning-Kruger effect” and various studies … all of which  point to the idea that in some areas, at times, we hold an unrealistic measure of our own knowledge.

Example: many surveys have shown that the vast majority of drivers (80 or 90 percent) believe that they have above average driving skills. That’s statistically impossible.

Wherever we are on the spectrum, here’s the important thing to remember: we can learn from anyone. High-scorers, low-scorers, the proud and the humble … lessons — important lessons — can be learned if we’re willing and open.

* * *

Step one is recognizing that we have much to learn.

Have you ever spent time with someone who isn’t curious about you? They don’t ask you questions. They don’t seem interested. Wherever their focus is, it’s not on you.

Here’s the thing: is that person ever you?

Do you take time to be curious about yourself? To notice who you are and how you are? Not to judge … but to be interested?

You are with you all the time.

Be kind. Be curious.

We all have weaknesses. We all struggle in some way. Some of those struggles are quiet. They’re easily hidden or they’re unknown to others. But other personal challenges show up on the surface. They’re visible and obvious. Impossible to hide.

There are two possible takeaways here.

One, have compassion … particularly when someone — by luck of the draw — carries a perceived weakness on the outside.

Two, remember that when you perceive someone’s outward perfection, it’s just a story you’re creating. Everyone struggles, and sometimes it’s invisible to the world.

There’s a famous line from the movie Jurassic Park where Jeff Goldblum says, “Life … finds a way.”

Also true: Creativity finds a way.

Ask the CFO who plays guitar. Or the first responder who paints. Or the sales rep who’s in musical theatre.

Creativity finds a way.

Let it.

Welcome it.

Embrace it.

What makes a good day for you? What criteria are you measuring? How much of it is within your control?

If your good day is based on the weather, people’s opinions, and good fortune … you’re setting a high bar for success. There are a lot of variables in that mix.

The alternative is choosing to measure things within your control. Things like, “How well did I respond?” and, “Did I keep my promises?”

Love a sunny day, but don’t rely on sunshine to make it a good one.

Is there something you’ve always wanted to do?

Have you even used that language? i.e. “That’s something I’ve always wanted to do.”

Is that thing — is it an impossible dream that’s only worth occasional musing, but literally not possible?

Or is it something you can do, but you just haven’t done it?

If it’s possible, and you truly want to do it, what can you do to make it happen?

What small step can you take that will bring you closer to making that dream become a reality?

Note: “waiting until the right time” is not a particularly effective strategy. “Waiting” cannot be the small step. A small step requires action.

“This is good … and I can still do better.”

It’s a complicated dance.

Because the extremes — “This is terrible; everything is bad” or “I’m perfect; there’s no room for improvement” — neither one is a healthy place to live.

The sweet spot is somewhere in the middle.

“Don’t worry. It’s not going to hurt you.
Well … if it does, it won’t hurt badly.
And if it does hurt badly, it won’t hurt forever.”

In discussing the possibility that a rolling baseball might pop up and hit my son, I found myself incrementally adjusting how I communicated what to expect. Many worthwhile pursuits in life — sports included — involve a nonzero chance of getting hurt.

All this in the spirit of teaching: “No matter what happens, you’re going to be OK.”

It was surprisingly profound for the cashier to ask me, “Who are you today?”

Who am I? At this moment??? How to answer?

After a beat, and risking a disconnected reply, I said, “Fine thanks. And how are you?”

She was fine. And she had indeed asked me how I was today, not who I was. I had just heard it differently.

But the question remains. For all of us.

Who are you today? What does it mean to be you? In the all-too-short period of time that you’re on this planet, in this moment, who are you? How are things slightly more remarkable because you exist?

In the mid-1800s, if you spoke of “cutting corners” you might be talking about hunting — how a rider and hound chase a lure. (Chasing directly behind was preferred over cutting corners.)

But these days, “cutting corners” tends to mean that someone has done hasty work. That quality has been sacrificed. That steps have been skipped.

However … with each advance in technology, tools, and platforms, it’s worth reevaluating whether the corners are still relevant. Some corners might be old habits that no longer make sense. They might be part of an outdated map. The old corners might not even exist — you might now be in an open field.

The advice is not to be deceitfully slapdash. Rather, it’s to stay alert to innovation. Don’t keep your corners if the corners no longer matter.

Three people were at the hospital reception desk. Two were seated behind monitors. The third person, a security guard, stood nearby.

All three were cheery. All three were nice. But it was the security guard who smiled broadly and gave me clear directions on which hallways to take, when to turn, and what to do. As though an administrator had said, “Part of your job is to be like a welcoming doorman. When visitors arrive, treat them like honored guests. Be friendly and helpful. Make sure you smile warmly.”

I’m willing to bet that no one ever gave him such instructions. My guess is that he made a personal choice to take on that role. “Whose job is it to welcome people and offer guidance? Whose job is it to be warm and inviting? I can do those things.”

A certain kind of magic happens when we use our gifts to fill unwritten roles in order to make things better.

“They’re the best losing team in the league.”

Sometimes a team has skill, determination, and drive. But the little things fall apart. Or details are missed. Or the timing is wrong. Or a little bad luck comes into play.

Despite a lot of promise, sometimes good teams come up short. In sport, in business, in politics.

But if a team is really a good team, those losses fuel their drive to improve. The voids created by setbacks aren’t filled with despair — they’re filled in with grit, character, and boundless determination.

“Easier said than done.”

There are many times when this is true. Other times, curiously, it’s the opposite.

But still, sometimes we say things in order to give ourselves the courage to do them. The words become our way of leaning into the action.

I was at a restaurant with my family a couple years ago. After I ordered, my then five-year-old son asked me with astonishment, “Why do you want so many stuff?”

It was a funny occasion. But every so often, I give that question serious thought. Our hunger for food, material goods, money, attention, influence … it can lose its grounding if we’re not careful.

When that happens, it might be good to ask ourselves, “Why do I want so many stuff?” — and to use that moment to better embrace a sense of contentment and sufficiency.

After hearing about Catherine Price’s writing on how to “break up” with your phone, I’ve changed my lock screen.

It now has an image with three questions:

What for?
Why now?
What else?

* * *

What for? Why am I about to use my phone? What am I about to check? What’s the purpose? What need am I trying to satisfy?

Why now? What about my present situation is prompting me to use my phone? Am I bored? Am I anxious? Am I avoiding human interaction?

What else? Instead of looking at my phone, what else could I be doing? How else could I satisfy my present needs?

* * *

I still use my phone plenty. But these questions offer a welcome interruption to an unconscious habit. They give me just enough pause to check-in with myself before I thoughtlessly dive into whatever is behind that screen. This hesitation is sometimes all it takes for the impulse to pass.

You might not have a problem with your phone. But maybe there are other habits you’re trying to keep in check. An afternoon drink. A late-night snack. Unnecessary shopping.

These questions can help interrupt habits like those, too.

H/T Greg

The internet is incomplete.

Despite its infinite coffers, we can’t find every answer using that tidy, rectangular search bar.

Some things just aren’t there.

They’re bound in books that have never been digitized. They’re captured in tightly wound VHS tapes. They’re in the garden or tucked in the corners of our memories.

They’re even yet to be discovered, let alone captured.

And that incompleteness is part of the reason we gather. Part of the reason we share stories. Part of the reason we walk, and ponder, and muse, and reminisce.

The internet contains worlds within worlds — but what matters most is often right in front of us … not through a search bar behind a screen.

Yesterday, I referenced a quote about building someone else’s dreams. One thoughtful reader prompted further reflection.

One thing I didn’t mention is this: there’s nothing wrong with making a decision to help build someone else’s dreams. In fact, that’s often what we do. And it can be a beautiful thing — particularly when we believe in what’s being built.

And in those cases, the dreams of others become entangled with our own. Their dreams become our dreams.

Here’s to dreaming more — together.

H/T Callan

Entrepreneur Farrah Gray says, “Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.”

This is true.

And the idea can be extended to how we live our days. To what we give our time and attention.

If we’re not guarding and guiding our minds — if we’re not leaning on choice, intention, and reason — the world will be happy to use us for its own purposes, like an unconscious zeitgeist collaborator.

* * *

Don’t let the winds of culture blow you around willy nilly. Don’t be passively sucked into click-bait, endless scrolls, and the 24/7 news cycle.

Set a sail of your own and chart the journey you want to live. Build your own dreams.

It might be too late to become a master in a certain practice … but it’s never too late to start learning new skills.

Don’t forgo a beautiful journey just because you’ve chosen an unconventional starting point. Remember: some of the day’s most beautiful moments happen after the sun begins to set.