Lack of use

A grinding, clanging sound let me know it was time to take my pressure washer to a repair shop.

I remarked, “I’m surprised it broke. I only use it for a few hours, two or three times a year.”

The technician replied, “Well, that might be part of the problem.”

While some equipment degrades after each use, other tools work better when they’re put to work regularly. Let them sit idle, and instead of preserving them, they fall into disrepair.

Is this a lesson that relates to body, mind, soul, spirit, and creativity? You bet it is.

Let’s not let ourselves fall into disrepair.

stephen
Search-therapist

Imagine a therapist who knows you only by what you’ve googled.

All she has is a list of what you’ve entered into the search box. Every search … for the past five or ten years.

What would she learn about you?

How might she advise you?

stephen
The kind you want

Write the story you want to read.

Paint the painting you want to see.

Invent the sandwich you’d most like to eat.

Open a business where you’d love to be a customer.

Little by little, build the world you want to inhabit.

stephen
Memorable

If I close my eyes, I can recall flavors from a meal I had nearly twenty years ago.

In the work we do, what flavors and experiences can we create … that will be remembered years from now?

What can we bring to the world — no matter how small — that’s simply too good to be forgotten?

stephen
Deciding to decide

There are lots of reasons to delay making a decision. Maybe we don’t have all the information. Maybe the conditions are fluid. Maybe we don’t feel ready to commit.

But many times, we delay because we’re afraid. We’re worried about a bad outcome. We’re worried that we’ll look stupid. We’re worried that we’ll have regrets.

A better plan is to decide to decide. To not worry about making a smart decision, but to be smart about how we’re making the decision. To be smart about our process, knowing that we can’t fully control outcomes.

If you have all the data* — and the clock is the only thing that will change between now and the moment you make a decision — it’s time to decide.

While you’re at it, trust yourself. Trust your ability to think through things, and your ability to handle whatever happens, good or bad.


*Note: Gathering “all the data” might not even be possible. Almost always, we’re called to make decisions based on incomplete data. And even so, sometimes more information is not helpful.

stephen
Complaint box

“We took away the complaint box, and we haven’t had a single complaint since!”

Just because we don’t hear complaints doesn’t mean everyone is happy. Silence is not an indicator of contentment.

Can we be brave enough to listen to honest feedback from those we seek to serve? Even to solicit such a response? And can we be humble enough to accept where we’ve gotten things wrong?

stephen
When everyone else did too

“You believed in me when everyone else did too.”

That phrase isn’t special or endearing.

* * *

Our greatest teachers and mentors are those who seek us out when we are in darkness. The people who see good in us where others don’t.

What’s beautiful about this kind of relationship is that it’s personal. It’s one to one.

Gurus and influencers gain followers by the millions, but meaningful connection does not exist at scale.

Seeing a diamond in the rough and putting faith in someone who has been overlooked — that happens one at a time, and any of us can do it.

stephen
Sorry so long

If you’re going to apologize to your audience by saying something like, “Sorry this message is so long,” then before clicking “send” or before you deliver your address, check the text.

  • Have you included extraneous information?

  • Are you repeating what people already know?

  • Is there a simpler way to say what’s needed?

  • Is any of the messaging more about you and your ego, rather than what best serves the audience?

If any of these are true, then don’t apologize … or do the valuable work of editing.

Suggestion: choose the latter.

stephen
Which finger?

“Which finger can I bite for it to hurt the least?”

I heard someone use this phrase to refer to a situation where all the options were painful.

The words resonated. Sometimes, all we have are flawed choices, and it’s our job to pick the best, imperfect path.

stephen
Playing our role

Even if she loves to play the clarinet, even if first chair is sick … during a concert, the conductor’s job is to conduct. Not to play her favorite instrument, but to conduct the orchestra.

Regardless of our preferences, there are times when we are entrusted with a role. In those moments — particularly when it relates to leadership — the success of the group hinges on our willingness to step away from our preferences and to step into the role that we’ve been given.

stephen
Creative expression

When we’re not being creative — rather, when we’re not expressing our creativity — we experience discomfort.

There’s an unease that builds when we don’t attend to our inherent need to create.

We’re creative beings, but being creative is not enough; we have to do creative.

In ways that are unique to each of us, creativity seeks us as a conduit. Let it happen. Create the conditions for it to happen. Even if that flow is more of a trickle or a drip, let creativity have its way.

* * *

Creativity calls for expression. Actively help it when you can. And when you can’t, at least get out of its way.

Whatever you do, don’t stifle it.

stephen
New stuff

New shoes. New car. New house. New membership. New tech.

For any of these things: is it comfort or convenience? Utility or façade?

There can be a lot of good reasons to get new things. But if it’s solely for show, how much is it going to cost you … to tell yourself the story that you want to hear?

stephen
Slowing down

Yesterday, my wife and I hiked around a local lake. It was an amazing, hour-long walk along a beautiful, wooded trail.

But ten minutes into the hike, we noticed something: we were walking really fast. This wasn’t our intention.

We laughed. We had blocked off a few hours. There was no need to rush; we had all the time we needed.

So we slowed down. We soaked in the moment.

An empty calendar does not a vacation make. More than anything, our frame of mind sets the stage for experiencing rest and connection.

stephen
Advice

If no one is asking for your advice, one of two things may be happening.

One, people don’t trust your expertise or judgement.

Or two, people don’t see you as someone who is willing to offer advice.

* * *

If you’re someone who seeks to help others, part of your role is to communicate that desire through your kindness, your generosity, and your commitment to being present to others and sensitive to their objectives.

stephen
Lucky break

At some point, someone you don’t like will get a lucky break. Undeserved, unearned fortune will land in their lap.

That’s a good time to remember that envy and resentment will do nothing to help you in your own journey.

Luck happens to everyone. Friends and enemies alike. Even to you, sometimes.

It might be better to stop thinking about luck and its unpredictability, and to instead consider the part of the equation where you don’t like a certain person.

For that, Abraham Lincoln offers us a useful starting point. He famously said, “I do not like that man. I must get to know him better.”

stephen
Thanks for everything

When we say, “Thanks for everything,” let’s really mean it.

Not just, “Thank you for when you’ve been perfect and contributed without error.”

But also, “Thank you for when you’ve made mistakes, because you’re learning and getting better.”

And, “Thank you for when you’ve succeeded, because you’ve shown me what achievement can look like.”

And, “Thank you for when you’ve hurt me, because you’ve helped me to overcome adversity.”

And, “Thank you for your sacrifice, because the world needs more selflessness.”

And, “Thank you for your imperfections, because I’m imperfect too.”

Let our “thank you for everything” truly encompass everything.

stephen
Course correction

One of the friendliest encounters I had last week occurred as I was driving and someone nearly collided with me.

The other driver cut a turn tightly, nearly clipping me as I approached a stop sign.

In that split second, with an apologetic grimace, she waved as though to say, “Woah. I’m really sorry. I didn’t intend to negotiate the turn so dangerously.”

And in that same split second, I smiled and returned the wave as though to say, “No harm done! Glad we’re both OK.”

A small offense followed by a small act of forgiveness … resulted in a lasting cheerfulness.

We can’t expect our days to go by without fault or offense. How we navigate those moments — on both sides — helps determine the tone of the accompanying soundtrack.

stephen
“I don’t need this.”

When challenges arise, one thought might be, “I don’t need this.”

However …

Does the clay say, “I don’t need this,” when being squeezed by the potter?

Does the wood say, “I don’t need this,” when being sanded by the carpenter?

Does the dough say, “I don’t need this,” when being punched by the baker?

At times, life gives us seemingly unbearable challenges. But those experiences may be seasons of refinement.

Beauty and strength may be on the other side of discomfort and tears.

stephen
Encounter

How does a person change by having an encounter with us?

Are they inspired? Emboldened? Anxious? Diminished? Encouraged? More at ease? More joyful?

Perhaps they’re not changed at all (though that’s unlikely).

Either way, if we’re not conscious of what it’s like to encounter us, we should be.

stephen
Compared to whom?

You can compare yourself to your friend. Or your neighbor. Or someone you follow on social media. Or the rich and famous.

But those paths deal in the currency of status, ego, and envy. And with endless variables — visible and invisible — those comparisons are not fair, or sensible, or even useful.

A better comparison is to you … from yesterday.

Are you keeping up with yourself? Maybe doing fractionally better? Good for you. Keep your focus.

Don’t worry about besting others. Try to best yourself.

stephen