Testing limits

My five-year-old son learned how to ride a bicycle during the early stages of the pandemic. Now, he’s well-balanced and interested in knowing his limits.

He asked if we could ride our bikes to the local middle school.

“There are lots of hills there! I want to test my ‘brave power’ going down the hills and my ‘strong power’ going up the hills.”

I love how eager he is to put his new skills to the test. To operate within reason, but to find the edges of his capability.

As adults, how often do we test our own limits with such excitement?

stephen
Red pen

How often are we focused on the marks left by a red pen?

I can easily recall tests and term papers that were returned marked-up with errors and comments. They never came back with all my correct answers highlighted; the focus was always on what was wrong.

* * *

How often are we preoccupied with our mistakes? How often do we lament the gap between where we landed and where we had aimed? At day’s end, do we reflect upon what we’ve done well, or the places we’ve come up short?

What happens when we instead focus on our successes? What happens when we just highlight the good?

* * *

Today, you’re the student and the instructor. Toss the red pen. See what happens.

stephen
Small but consequential

The wooden peg was small — barely more than an inch in length — yet the sun caught it in such a way that its shadow spanned the length of the wall.

* * *

We may be small in the grand scheme of things. We might not have significant status, money, or power.

But given the right circumstances, we might have influence. We might be seen and our presence might be far larger than our size would suggest.

At the right moments, we might even be people of great consequence in the world.

stephen
Be lazy

If you’re going to give yourself time off, do it. If you’re going to relax, then relax.

All. The. Way.

For however long you’ve decided to do it, live in that moment. Do it intentionally.

There’s no sense in spending your downtime feeling anxious about work that you’re not doing.

When you’re relaxing, be a person who’s relaxed ... not a productive worker who’s failing.

If you need time to be lazy, be lazy ... not lazy and anxious.

Be on when you’re on, and off when you’re off. There’s time for each, so embrace each one fully.

stephen
How the phrase lands

Black Lives Matter.

Some support the movement. (I do.)

Some are leading the movement.

Some are unsure of the movement’s meaning.

Some are nervous about supporting the movement, or even saying that they do.

Some are scared of the movement itself.

And yes, some are fighting against the movement.

Wherever we are on the spectrum, the onus is upon each of us to be educated. Or to become educated. Not to have answers, but to have questions and to be truth seekers. To be empathetic students of history who seek to cultivate emotional intelligence and who fight to right the wrongs of our past and present.

This isn’t someone else’s problem to solve; it’s ours.

And if we don’t think there are problems ... well, that’s a problem right there.

stephen
Watching

Do we watch and judge, or spectate and cheer?

In many situations, we have an option. We can choose which persona to adopt.

Will we bring our judgement — quietly critiquing?

Or will we bring our enthusiasm — audibly encouraging?

stephen
Direct action

Sometimes, light tapping at the door isn’t enough; an assertive knock is what’s need.

Or consider the Heimlich maneuver: merely pressing below the diaphragm won’t save someone’s life; it requires a significant thrust.

And “not being racist” isn’t enough either. Our call is to be unequivocally anti-racist.

The point here is that there are moments in time when action is required — firm, intentional, directed action.

Being a good person and having kind thoughts is not enough to solve the evils of racism, injustice, and poverty. Taking action is what’s necessary ... and “taking action” means something different for each of us.

The problems of the world need our attention. We cannot solve them through hope and warm wishes.

So what will we do?

And more importantly — based on the future you seek to create — what will you do?

stephen
Curiouser

British playwright Sir Alan Ayckbourn was interviewed about releasing his unproduced play as an audio drama. It’s a way to put his work into the world while theaters and venues are temporarily closed. Ayckbourn and his wife, actress Heather Stoney, played all eight parts and recorded the work in their home studio.

I love this kind of resilience amidst constraint. Two artists’ insistence to be creative within a new and changing landscape.

About the experience, Ayckbourn remarked, “It’s a curious time and it will get curiouser.”

The phrase resonated.

stephen
Changing your mind

“It’s not too late to change your mind.”

We hear this phrase before someone is about to undergo elective surgery. Or before they do something brave and dangerous. Or before they’re about to do something that may be irreversible.

But even outside of these cinematic moments, the phrase holds.

History. Racism. Discrimination. Poverty. Injustice.

What we know and what we believe about these topics — where we’re educated and where we’re ignorant — can be changed.

We can read. We can learn. We can suspend our prejudices.

More than anything, we can be better listeners. We can open our eyes.

Why? Because it’s not too late to change your mind.

Young or old. Powerful or weak. It’s not too late. We can change.

stephen
Rebuilding

If we can’t fix it, then we rebuild it. But how? Where do we start?

We don’t begin with a new design. We begin by recommitting to our values.

What’s important to us? Where are we unwilling to compromise and where are we flexible? What mistakes did we make the last time and how can we learn from them?

And the most critical guides: who’s it for and what’s it for?

There are times when layering upon what we already have is a foolish approach. Instead, we need to dig deeper. We need to reconnect to our core. From there, we begin to rebuild.

stephen
Broken systems

It may be that the system is doing exactly what the system was designed to do.

That the institution is producing the types of individuals it was designed to produce.

That the school is creating the types of thinkers it was designed to create.

Possible that some things aren’t broken, but rather working the way their designers intended.

You can’t fix a system that’s working to spec.

But when the results are found wanting, you can build a new system. A better system. A better school. A better structure. A better culture.

That kind of change isn’t done through light editing. It’s done through bold thinking, intrepid creativity, a posture of empathy, and a commitment to progress.

stephen
Most people

When we make an assertion regarding “most people” let’s be clear:

  • ... in my family

  • ... from my office

  • ... at my school

  • ... in my state

  • ... in this country

  • ... in this culture

  • ... in this world

And if it’s more accurate to say, “I assume many people ...” then we should use that phrase instead.

As our circle of reference increases, it’s more and more likely that when we talk about “most people” what we’re really doing is making a guess based on our assumptions.

And making assumptions about large groups of people — depending on the assumption, of course — has the potential to be problematic.

stephen
Let us ...

If it’s uncomfortable to speak out for justice, then let us be uncomfortable.

If we lose social status in our fight for the dignity of others, then let us lose social status.

If we need to face ugly truths in order to counter the evils of racism, then let us face ugly truths.

And if we need bravery to act on behalf of the voiceless, the oppressed, the marginalized, and the disenfranchised ... then let us be brave.

No matter the cost, let is do what is right.

stephen
Selfish or selfless?

What selfish thing today ... will leave a debt to pay tomorrow?

In contrast, what selfless act today — what kindness, generosity, and sacrifice — will help build the future we seek?

It’s a consideration that’s local as well as global. Personal as well as public.

One of these paths is hard. But it’s also brave, and honorable, and a better way forward.

stephen
Replay on demand

I awoke to the sound of persistent thunder and steady rain. A beautiful and haunting sound. Unusual in its quantity, but not unfamiliar to my ears.

The lightning, however, was remarkable. It was strobe-like in its frequency. The sky ... repeatedly illuminated as though by special effect.

Memorably (perhaps unfortunately) my first, lucid, semi-conscious thought was, “I’ll watch it later.”

For a brief moment, my practiced response was to file it away as though it was a digital event — an on-demand resource that would be available to me in the future.

Of course, it was not.

As I awoke further, I was happy to chuckle at my sleepy error. Grateful, too, to have been reminded that some things — many things — can only be fully experienced in real-time, as they happen. No recordings. No replays.

Grand but fleeting moments that can only be lived as they unfold.

And just like that, as I finish typing these words … the storm and all its commotion — gone.

stephen
Front lines

As we stare at screens and listen to reports, it’s easy to forget: we are not on the front line.

Yes, we are on some front lines. But there are many battles and many fronts; we only experience a few of them.

Others are fighting on the front lines of issues and events about which we sometimes know very little.

May we remember that the front line is different. It’s harder. It’s riskier. It’s challenging in ways that don’t translate to text, audio, photos, and video.

So what do we do? We begin with a posture of respect and of empathy. Of trying to imagine the world through someone else’s eyes.

And we hope that others will afford us the same kindness.

stephen
Outrage and change

If what we want is to feel the release of yelling, or of throwing something, or of exerting an ungoverned burst of energy ... then we should recognize that urge. Call it for what it is.

If we’re angry, we can identify that feeling. We can try to understand what’s beneath that emotion. We can speak to its source.

If, however, we seek to affect change, then we should also be strategic in our actions. Thoughtful. Impassioned, yes. But also controlled and non-violent.

Expressing outrage can be just as important as making change happen — but they’re not the same thing.

stephen
Interrupting the pattern

If you’re having trouble making a change, consider interrupting the pattern.

Stop mid-bite. Stop mid-sentence. Mid-bottle. Mid-video. Mid-whatever. Don’t finish. Don’t get to the end. Just stop in the middle.

When we finish ... when we say, “after this month,” or, “after I’m done with this last one,” we allow cycles to perpetuate. After all, when a cycle ends, the natural thing is for another cycle to begin.

But if we seek to change — if we’re serious about it — we might as well start right away. Don’t wait until a natural pause, or a new day, or a new week.

Make the change now.

stephen
Forgiving yourself

You can forgive yourself without letting yourself off the hook.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean, “now you can do whatever you want.”

It means that — without holding yourself prisoner because of the past — you can choose a new path forward.

Freedom in the forgiveness, accountability for the future.

stephen
Is it over yet?

“Is the sickness over yet, Daddy?”

How does one explain a pandemic to a five-year-old?

As we all watch numbers and trends shift around the globe, it’s evident: this is complicated. There’s no start and stop. There’s a lot of gray area.

And we experience clear restrictions amidst a complicated illness.

Our children will learn the value of hand washing. They will have an understanding of how viruses spread. They will know what it’s like to quarantine. And yes, some will know loss.

But hopefully, they will also learn how to use technology to maintain relationships. They’ll learn to be resourceful within constraints. They’ll develop new skills. And they’ll appreciate the sacredness of human connection.

The pandemic isn’t over yet. But the appreciation of health, family, friendship and connection isn’t over yet either.

And our best days are still ahead of us.

stephen